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VOL: CCCXIX NO: 20 Serving the North Quabbin Region Since 1934
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Saturday, January 24, 2015

home : opinion : dear abby January 24, 2015

9/26/2013 1:36:00 PM
Mom-to-be wants husband to join her on the wagon

DEAR ABBY: I'm three months pregnant. Before I got pregnant, my husband and I enjoyed having wine with dinner or a margarita when we were out on the town. We didn't drink to excess, but have enjoyed alcohol in moderation.

Obviously, I can't drink anymore, but my husband carries on like nothing has changed. I'm becoming resentful every time we go out to eat.

I asked him once if he'd quit drinking until our baby arrives. He looked shocked and said, "Why? I'm not pregnant." I guess I feel left out because he's having fun. I want him to suffer with me, and this is really getting on my nerves. Any advice? -- RESENTFUL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR RESENTFUL: Yes. If you feel you are missing out on "fun" if you can't drink, you have a potential alcohol problem. Tell your husband that when he drinks in front of you, it makes you crave alcohol, and ask again that he respect your feelings and not do it. A considerate husband and father-to-be should respect that you are doing the heavy lifting (literally) and help all he can.

******

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old man who was born disabled. I have not had a date in years. I'd like to date and have a girlfriend, but when women look at me, all they see is my wheelchair.

I'm a good person, well-mannered, respectful, caring and compassionate. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- LONELY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LONELY: I'm glad you wrote because it's important that you not allow yourself to be isolated. Get out and participate in activities you enjoy that include like-minded people. While you may have been born disabled, I'm sure you have abilities and talents that would be welcomed if you choose to volunteer them.

If you haven't already, search the various online dating sites for both disabled and nondisabled individuals or contact a disability advocacy organization for guidance or to help you get access. Seek advice within the disabled community (in person or online) from individuals who have more experience with dating than you do. They can also help you navigate any physical barriers that might prevent you from dating, if that's an issue.

There's a saying, "Seek and ye shall find," and it applies in your situation. I wish you the best of luck.

******

DEAR ABBY: My husband's much older sister has no problem calling to ask for money, but never calls just to say hello or to see how he's doing. This has been going on for almost 10 years. She'll tell us she or her sons need it for bills or school expenses.

He has talked to her about it, but nothing has changed. We both work hard, while she refuses to ask the children's father for a cent. Should we continue to give her money because it may affect our nephews if we don't? -- AUNT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR AUNT: That you have tolerated this for 10 years tells me you and your husband are kindhearted and responsible people, and I respect that. However, fathers have a legal responsibility to support their children, and your sister-in-law should make sure it happens whether that involves hiring an attorney to help or applying for funds from the state to see her boys are taken care of. If you must give her money, give her enough for a consultation with an attorney because "Sissie" appears to have been using you.

******

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

******

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)







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