Readers, I am having trouble finding the time to work on my next cookbook. It will be called “Dishes to Die For,” and it will revolve around funeral foods.
I plan to feature at least one funeral food from each state in our nation, along with some general recipes to serve to the bereaved. I’ll also share tips gleaned over the years about planning funerals, writing sympathy notes and other funereal doings.
I’m passionate about this topic. I go to a lot of funerals and memorial services, in part because I live in a community that abounds with older residents. These events are inherently sad, but they also teach us a lot about human nature and about those who have died.
PETER BECK / Contributed
Moreover, I believe that feeding people who are in mourning is one significant thing we can do to help them and express our affection for them.
Unfortunately, as I said above, I have not tested a recipe for this book in ages. I just have too many jobs and too few hours. It occurred to me a few days ago that I test recipes almost every week for this column. With your indulgence, then, I will use my articles to feature some of the recipes I am testing for the book.
“Dishes to Die For” will not be my only focus, of course. I still plan to contribute recipes from restaurants, recipes related to food holidays, recipes from readers, and recipes I just feel like trying. Nevertheless, you will be seeing at least one or two funeral recipes per month.
This week’s recipe is one of the strangest and the least characteristic in my repertoire: Watergate Salad. It will represent the District of Columbia in the book.
In general, I try to avoid overly processed foods. This recipe’s ingredients are almost all processed. It hails from a time in which advertisers and American manufacturers worked together to encourage American housewives to embrace convenience foods.
TINKY WEISBLAT / For the Recorder
I’m sure some men made the salad and its relatives, but the marketing was aimed solidly at female homemakers.
Bizarrely, Watergate Salad is neither from the Watergate complex in D.C. nor a salad. It is a sort of pudding-esque dessert, although like its cousin, Ambrosia, it is sometimes served as a side dish.
Watergate Salad is descended from various “salads” or “delights” that emerged early in the 20th century. Helen Keller, of all people, published a recipe for “Golden Gate Salad” in the 1920s that includes several of the same ingredients.
This particular version of the salad emerged in the 1970s with the invention and marketing of instant pistachio pudding mix. It thus coincided with the Watergate scandal.
According to the website Gastro Obscura, “there are many metaphorical reasons for the [name]. Was the sloppy salad a metaphor for Nixon’s messy end? Was the green of the salad a sly intimation to ‘follow the money’?
“Or is the sweet side dish just criminally delicious? The world may never know the truth of this fluffy salad’s name, but that shouldn’t come in the way of eating it.”
Some people think the name “Watergate Salad” came from the inclusion of nuts in the recipe, a commentary on the sanity — or lack thereof — of Richard Nixon and his minions.
Happily for me, this concoction is occasionally known as Funeral Salad. Obviously, then, it belongs in any funeral-food collection.
As I noted above, the recipe has a pretty much unprecedented number of processed ingredients, at least as far as my kitchen is concerned. Only the nuts appear in their natural state. Most Americans no longer cook with many recipes like this, but we once delighted in them.
NPR has noted, “The recipe is very mid-century. The Jet Puffed marshmallows, the Jell-O pudding, the Cool Whip (conveniently all these brands are now owned by Kraft) even the groovy green shading — they all scream retro chic.
“It’s a throwback to a time when powders and whips had a tinge of science and sophistication … a time when a modern building like the Watergate was Washington’s premier address.”
The recipe for this unlikely “salad” appears below. You may find, as I did to my surprise, that it actually tastes pretty good.
I wouldn’t recommend it for everyday dining. The chemicals and the sugar don’t exactly scream “healthy eating.”
Once in a while, however, it’s fun to try something unlikely and unhealthy.
I should note that many different versions of this recipe exist in publications and on the internet. I am adapting one I found in the “Denver Post” published on June 27, 1976.
I had to vary it slightly. The sizes of some of the packaged foods have been reduced. What was once a 4-ounce container of pudding mix, for example, now weighs 3.4 ounces. Nevertheless, the changes don’t have a significant effect on the final product.
I should note that some people like to festoon their Watergate Salad with another processed ingredient, maraschino cherries. I refuse to embrace that degree of garishness.
The current version of the recipe on Kraft’s website, where it is known as “Pistachio-Pineapple Mallow Dessert,” uses twice as much whipped topping and more than three times as many mini-marshmallows. Again, I find that over the top.
With those caveats, I invite you to join me in traveling through time to the 1970s.
Watergate Salad
Ingredients:
1 can (20 ounces or so) crushed pineapple in juice (I ended up purchasing pineapple tidbits, which are a bit larger, by accident. They worked, more or less, but I suggest that readers learn from my mistake and purchase the crushed version.)
1 (4-serving) box of instant pistachio-pudding mix
1 cup mini-marshmallows
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
1 tub (8 ounces) non-dairy whipped topping
Instructions:
Combine the pineapple (with its juice), the pudding mix, the marshmallows, and the nuts. Fold in the whipped topping.
Refrigerate the “salad” for 1 hour, until it is cool and firms up a bit. Spoon it into dishes.
Serves 8. This dish is best served the day it is made. The nuts can become soggy after a while.
Tinky Weisblat is an award-winning cookbook author and singer known as the Diva of Deliciousness. Visit her website, TinkyCooks.com.