Bob Bourke: The smell of entitlement

Most of us can only dream of being in the top 1% of earners in this country. But with a little digging I found a way to almost get to breathe that rarefied air.

There is a new product soon to come out on the market, one for the common man. It is called Elan Musque. This heady parfum will help you smell like an oligarch. It is made of a secret proprietary formula, but the basic ingredients have been leaked from the processing lab. They include the glandular fluids of sewer rats, powdered free range cockroaches, organic bovine byproducts, snake oil, and for liquid volume, the collective sweat off the brows of former federal workers, including veterans.

Some side effects can include callousness, misrepresentation of truth, bizarre physical behavior, depravity, and loss of empathy and ethics. It also is highly addictive, requiring you to always want more. But those are minor inconveniences compared to the air of superiority one will feel with a few sprays.

A sense of privilege is just a mist away. When you wake up to a spritz in the morning, it smells like victory.

Bob Bourke

Heath