Good morning!
America’s four most populated states — California, Texas, Florida and New York — sell the most lottery tickets and lil’ ol’ Massachusetts sells the fifth most. This year the Commonwealth will reap well over a half-billion dollars from games of chance that include Keno, Mega Millions and the Numbers Game.
At Christmas, those alluring scratch tickets that glitter behind most every store counter make terrific stocking stuffers. Last year my cousin’s wife gave him a Christmas tree made of $100 worth of $1, $2 and $5 tickets. “I won $28,” he said.
That sounds about right, considering the odds of winning $10,000 on a one dollar ticket are a million-to-one but drop to 100,000-to-1 on a $30 ticket. Whoopee.
My gripe with the Lottery has always been that it counts break-even tickets as winners. Buy a $10 ticket, match a number and congratulations, you just risked 8-to-1 odds to win back your money. Talk about cheap thrills, now that’s a waste of time.
At the bottom of the Mass. Lottery home page is an 800 number. I dialed the 10 digits and an automated voice thanked me for calling the Massachusetts helpline. “One of our trained helpline specialists will be with you soon. Our specialists are here to answer your questions.”
Questions? Like how far down is the French King Bridge?
I waited on hold listening to flute music and envisioned some sap in Woburn deciding whether to buy his kid a Christmas present or spend his last few bucks on a Willie Wonka Golden Ticket. “Your estimated wait time is less than five minutes. We are glad you called and look forward to speaking with you soon. Thank you for your patience.”
After another few minutes someone came on the line and said, “Kathy speaking.”
“Hi Kathy. Let’s say I won $1,000. Where do I cash it?”
“West Springfield.”
“Are you going to take out taxes or give me a form?”
“We’ll do both, we’ll take out five percent which is $50 and we’ll give you a W-2 form for your federal taxes.”
“How much do I pay the feds?”
“Depends how much your annual income is.”
“Let’s say $75,000.”
“I don’t know. I’m not an accountant, and I don’t gamble.”
She gave me the number for Cindy Lopez, a project manager at a non-profit consulting firm in Boston called Health Resources in Action. Again, the call was answered by a robo voice. “Cindy Lopez is currently unavailable. Please leave a message.”
An hour later, Ms. Lopez returned my call. She said Health Resources is funded by the Mass. Dept. of Public Health. “How many calls do you get?” I asked.
“Ummmm…okay … okay … we get about … let me confirm about… umm 100 calls a month or so… October there were 95, and in November there were 100.”
“That’s not a lot. Why did it take so long for the helpline to answer my call?”
“We also get about a thousand calls for substance use,” she said.
“How can you help a problem gambler?”
“You’ll have the opportunity to talk to someone about your risk level and resources that are available to you.”
“What’s a screening specialist? What are their qualifications to help someone with a gambling addiction?”
“Ummm, I think I need to speak to my director.”
“No that’s all right. Thanks for your time.”
I rarely buy scratch tickets. The sight of people zombied out in their cars is aversion therapy. But ’tis the season, and last week I used the change from a five to buy three $1 tickets. At home I scratched a winner — yeah I’m a winner, as the Bobby Bare song goes. “Hurray!” I thought. “Gas money.”
I won a dollar. Give me a quarter-gallon of regular.
Make it rain the TV ad says, but chances are you won’t be needing the umbrella.
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James Madison University is moving to the FBS next fall and will be a member of the Sun Belt Conference that includes Coastal Carolina and App. State. Last night the Dukes played North Dakota State in the FCS semifinals and a win would put them in the national championship game for the fourth time in seven years.
JMU was the last team UMass played before it left for the the FBS. The Minutemen lost, 34-17, before 7,103 at McGuirk Alumni Stadium. Coach Kevin Morris was fired shortly afterward, but now is rumored to be returning to UMass. Morris was an assistant coach for Don Brown at Northeastern and UMass from 2000 to 2008.
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The treasure trove of lore in Ken Burns’ nine-part documentary “Baseball” includes an anecdote from the 1920s when Ty Cobb walked into a Greeneville, S.C. liquor store owned by Shoeless Joe Jackson. A .356 career hitter, Jackson was banned from baseball for his role in fixing the 1919 World Series.
Cobb walked into the store with famed sportswriter Grantland Rice, who figured it would be a good story. Jackson didn’t say a word while he rang up Cobb’s purchase. “Don’t you know me, Joe?” asked Cobb.
“Sure I know you, Ty, but I wasn’t sure you wanted to know me. A lot of them don’t.”
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SQUIBBERS: Famed swindler and WFAN prodigal son Greg Carton is pushing a cocktail mix that helps prevent hangovers called Booze Dust. … Reserved bleacher seats to watch Pittsburgh play Boston at JetBlue Park on March 8 cost $132 each on the secondary market. … Muhammad Ali’s 21-year-old grandson Nico Ali Walsh won a majority decision against Reyes Sanchez at Madison Square Garden on Saturday. A fledgling middleweight, Ali Walsh is 3-0 in the pro ranks. … Former lightweight champ Vasiliy Lomachenko out-pointed Richard Commey in the 12 round main event. Both fighters earned about $700,000 according to SportsZion. … The UMass basketball team is skidding towards .500. Two years ago the Minutemen started 6-0 and lost six straight. Tomorrow they host Fairfield at 1 p.m. … UMass hockey hosts hapless LIU (4-10-3) in two months. Think Derek Kellogg will be dropping the ceremonial first puck? … The NY Post’s Mike Vacarro counted down the Top 75 New York Knicks of all time and ranked Clyde “The Glide” Frazier No. 2 and Patrick Ewing No. 1. Ewing moved to Boston from Jamaica when he was 12 and played at Cambridge Rindge and Latin. … UMass football coach Don Brown has landed an eye chart from Worcester named Zukudo Igwenagu. A Rutgers transfer, Igwenagu is a 6-3, 212-pound outside linebacker. … The College Hockey News’ Adam Wodon was asked, “How bad do the Badgers have to get before the high cost of buying out Tony Granato is worth it?” Pretty bad, answered Wodon. The Badgers are 5-12-1 but Grantao’s signed through 2026 at $617,000 per annum according to madison.com. … Former Minutemen Trey Mitchell and Ronnie DeGray III have adjusted to their new teams. Mitchell is the second leading scorer (104 points) for the 7-2 Texas Longhorns and DeGray is the fourth leading scorer at 5-5 Mizzou (87 points). … Have you heard the story about the woman who ran into the house screaming, “Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!”
“Where are we going?” he shouted, “the mountains or the beach?”
“Doesn’t matter, just go!”